Sleep Tite You Fuckin Know It Bitch
The Dude: [repeated line by The Dude and others] That rug actually tied the room together.
Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want well-nigh the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at to the lowest degree it's an ethos.
The Dude: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not "Mr. Lebowski". Y'all're Mr. Lebowski. I'grand the Dude. Then that's what you phone call me. Y'all know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if y'all're not into the whole brevity thing.
The Stranger: Accept information technology like shooting fish in a barrel, Dude.
The Dude: Oh, yeah!
The Stranger: I know that you will.
The Dude: Yeah, well - the Dude abides.
[Exits with beers in hand]
The Stranger: [to the photographic camera] The Dude abides. I don't know about you just I take condolement in that. It's good knowin' he's out in that location. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.
Jesus Quintana: Are you ready to be fucked, human? I see yous rolled your style into the semis. Dios mio, homo. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you upward.
The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that'due south just like, uh, your opinion, man.
Jesus Quintana: Let me tell *you* something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, yous flash a slice out on the lanes, I'll have information technology away from y'all, and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til information technology goes "click."
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
[walks off]
Walter Sobchak: 8-year-olds, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, yous're going to accept to confront the fact y'all're a goddamn moron.
The Dude: Carpet pee-ers did non practice this. Look at it: a young bays married woman, marries this guy for his coin, she figures he hasn't given her enough, you know, she owes money all over town.
Walter Sobchak: That, fuckin' - bowwow...
The Dude: It's all a god damn fake, man. It's like Lenin said: you lot expect for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, y'all know...
Donny: I am the walrus.
The Dude: Y'all know, y'all'll uh, uh - well, you know what I'thousand trying' to say...
Donny: I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak: That fucking bowwow!
The Dude: Oh yeah!
Donny: I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny! Five.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
[being forced into a limousine]
The Dude: Hey, conscientious, human being, there'southward a beverage here!
The Dude: God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything'south a fuckin' travesty with you, human! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: [shouted repeatedly while smashing a car with a crow bar]
Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you lot fuck a stranger in the ass!
Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when y'all observe a stranger in the Alps!
[censored version]
Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your erect for a g dollars.
Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, nosotros're all very fond of her. Very gratis-spirited.
Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't spotter, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ah haha. That's marvelous.
The Dude: Uh, I'one thousand simply gonna go detect a cash automobile.
The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, homo.
[first lines]
The Stranger: [voiceover] Manner out due west there was this fella... fella I wanna tell ya nigh. Fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for information technology himself. Mr. Lebowski, he chosen himself "The Dude". Now, "Dude" - that's a name no one would self-apply where I come up from. Just then there was a lot nigh the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot nigh where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that'southward why I plant the place so darned interestin'. They call Los Angeles the "City Of Angels." I didn't discover information technology to be that, exactly. But I'll allow in that location are some nice folks there. 'Course I can't say I've seen London, and I own't never been to France. And I own't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I'll tell you what - subsequently seeing Los Angeles, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' equally equally stupefyin' as you'd see in whatever of them other places. And in English, besides. So I can die with a smile on my confront, without feelin' similar the good Lord gypped me. At present this hither story I'thousand about to unfold took place back in the early '90s - but about the time of our conflict with Distressing'm and the I-raqis. I only mention information technology considering sometimes at that place's a man... I won't say a hero, 'crusade, what's a hero? Merely sometimes, there'southward a human. And I'yard talkin' nigh the Dude hither. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he'south the human for his time and identify. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy human - and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite peradventure the laziest in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. Merely sometimes there'southward a man, sometimes, in that location's a man. Aw. I lost my railroad train of idea here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced him enough.
Walter Sobchak: I'm maxim, I see what yous're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, hither we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'yard immune to break only if it's a thing of life or expiry...
The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin' about?
The Dude: Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic...
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you lot talking near? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
The Dude: Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Walter Sobchak: And you know this!
The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.
Walter Sobchak: Then what are yous proverb? When you get divorced y'all plow in your library card? You get a new license? You terminate beingness Jewish?
The Dude: Information technology'southward all a function of your sick Cynthia matter, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. Y'all're living in the fucking past.
Walter Sobchak: Iii grand years of cute tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...
[shouting]
Walter Sobchak: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'Thousand LIVIN' IN THE FUCKIN' PAST!
The Stranger: Sometimes you lot eat the bear, and sometimes, well, he eats you.
The Dude: Walter, ya know, information technology's Smokey, so his toe slipped over the line a little, big deal. It's just a game, man.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the side by side round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey: Yeah, just I wasn't over. Gimme the marking Dude, I'chiliad marking it 8.
Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, yous are entering a globe of pain.
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Yous mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a earth of hurting.
Smokey: I'thou not...
Walter Sobchak: A world of pain.
Smokey: Dude, he's your partner...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole globe gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Marker it nada!
The Dude: They're calling the cops, put the piece abroad.
Walter Sobchak: Marker it zero!
[points gun in Smokey's face]
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] You think I'yard fucking around here? Mark it aught!
Smokey: All right, information technology's fucking cipher. Are you happy, you crazy fuck?
Walter Sobchak: ...It's a league game, Smokey.
Maude Lebowski: What practice you do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. I basin. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, nosotros all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are y'all talking well-nigh?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are yous... I'chiliad non... We're talking about unchecked assailment here, dude.
Donny: What the fuck is he talking near?
The Dude: My rug.
Walter Sobchak: Forget information technology, Donny, you're out of your element!
The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my carpeting, I can't get give him a nib, so what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are yous talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'1000 talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, y'all DO Not... Also, Dude, "chinaman" is non the preferred classification. Asian-American, please.
The Dude: Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you...?
The Dude: Walter, he peed on my carpeting!
Donny: He peed on the Dude's carpeting.
Walter Sobchak: Donny, yous're out of your chemical element! Dude, the chinaman is non the issue here!
Younger Cop: And was at that place anything of value in the car?
The Dude: Oh, uh, yeah, uh... a record deck, some Creedence tapes, and in that location was a, uh... uh, my briefcase.
Younger Cop: [expectant intermission] In the briefcase?
The Dude: Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
Younger Cop: And what exercise you exercise, sir?
The Dude: I'chiliad unemployed.
The Dude: Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: I told that fuck downwards at the league office... who'due south in charge of scheduling?
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: Burkhalter.
Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a fucking k times that I don't whorl on Shabbos!
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: They already posted it.
Walter Sobchak: Well they can *fucking unpost it*!
The Dude: Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: C'monday Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on dorsum.
Donny: How come up you don't roll on Sabbatum, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: I'm shomer shabbos.
Donny: What'south that?
The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: Sabbatum, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of residuum. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure every bit shit *don't fucking roll*!
Donny: Sheesh.
Walter Sobchak: Shomer shabbos!
The Dude: Walter, how am I going to...
Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking shabbos.
The Dude: Oh fuck it. I'chiliad out of here.
Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude...
[rolls his eyes at Donny]
Walter Sobchak: Fucking BABY...
[Donny nods]
[while dunking the Dude's head in the toilet]
Blond Treehorn Thug: Where's the coin, Lebowski? Where'south the fucking coin, shithead?
The Dude: It's uh... uh... information technology's down there somewhere, allow me take another look.
The Dude: Fuck sympathy! I don't demand your fuckin' sympathy, human, I need my fucking johnson!
Donny: What exercise you need that for, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Were you lot listening to The Dude'southward story, Donny?
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: What?
Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude'south story?
Donny: I was bowling.
Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You lot're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
The Dude: (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what'due south the point, man?
Walter Sobchak: In that location'south no reason - hither's my point, dude, at that place's no fucking reason why these two...
Donny: Yeah, Walter, what's your point?
The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the incorrect guy. I'chiliad the Dude, human.
Blond Treehorn Thug: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
The Dude: My... my wi-, my married woman, Bunny? Exercise you see a hymeneals band on my finger? Does this identify await similar I'm fucking married? The toilet seat'southward upwards, man!
The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's canis familiaris. I recollect it's a Pomeranian. I tin can't exit him abode alone or he eats the article of furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: Yous brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do y'all mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't hire information technology shoes. I'g not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
The Dude: Human being, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to accept care of her fuckin' domestic dog while she and her beau went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.
The Dude: This is a very complicated instance, Maude. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-y'all. And, uh, a lotta strands to keep in my head, homo. Lotta strands in old Duder's head.
Maude Lebowski: Does the female course make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture show of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't similar hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an center a man volition refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?
Walter Sobchak: Yous want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
The Dude: Yeah, just Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Hell, I tin can go you a toe by iii o'clock this afternoon... with boom polish. These fucking amateurs...
Walter Sobchak: Lady, I got buddies who died face downward in the muck so that y'all and I could bask this family restaurant!
The Dude: Jesus, man, could you change the channel?
Cab Driver: Fuck you man. If you don't like my fuckin' music get your own fuckin' cab!
The Dude: I had a rough...
Cab Driver: I pull over and kick your ass out!
The Dude: Come on, human being. I had a rough dark and I detest the fuckin' Eagles, human!
The Dude: Look, just stay away from my fucking lady friend.
Da Fino: Hey, I'thou not messing with your special lady.
The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'g just helping her conceive, homo!
Walter Sobchak: Also, permit's not forget - allow'due south *not* forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the urban center - that aint legal either.
The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
Walter Sobchak: No, I'm...
The Dude: Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot!
Jesus Quintana: What's this day of balance shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! Information technology don't affair to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you lot don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, human being - ha ha! I would have fucked yous in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, infant!
The Dude: I dropped off the money exactly as per... wait, man, I've got certain information, all right? Certain things have come up to lite. And, you know, has it always occurred to y'all, that, instead of, uh, yous know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new shit, you lot know, I-I-I-I... this could be a-a-a-a lot more than, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, circuitous, I mean, it'due south non just, it might not exist but such a simple... uh, you know?
The Big Lebowski: What in God's holy name are yous blathering nearly?
The Dude: I'll tell you lot what I'thou blathering about... I've got information man! New shit has come up to low-cal! And shit... human being, she kidnapped herself. Well sure, homo. Look at it... a young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know, and she, uh, uh, owes coin all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that'due south, that'southward cool, I'chiliad, I'thousand proverb, she needs money, human being. And of class they're going to say that they didn't get information technology, considering... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey, I mean uh... hasn't that ever occurred to y'all, homo? Sir?
[the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling aisle, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched]
The Dude: Well, they finally did information technology. They killed my fucking car.
Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
Nihilist #ii: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #iii: Ja, it seems you accept forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
The Dude: You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know y'all never did!
[the Nihilists, stunned, confer amid themselves in German language]
Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Nihilist: Ve don't intendance. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you ups.
Walter Sobchak: Fuck you. Fuck the iii of yous.
The Dude: Hey, cool information technology Walter.
Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, at that place is no bribe. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
Nihilist #ii: His girlfriend gave upward her toe!
Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting 1000000 dollars!
Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!
Walter Sobchak: Fair! WHO'South THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE You lot, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, and so take information technology up with him, human being!
Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back.
[Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again]
Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny. These men are cowards.
Nihilist: Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.
Walter Sobchak: Fuck you lot!
Walter Sobchak: Donny was a skillful bowler, and a good man. He was one of u.s.. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died earlier his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took then many brilliant flowering immature men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well accept been, we commit your concluding mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which y'all loved so well. Good nighttime, sweetness prince.
The Big Lebowski: I didn't arraign anyone for the loss of my legs. Some chinaman took them from me in Korea.
Jackie Treehorn: Interactive erotic software. The wave of the future, Dude. One hundred percent electronic!
The Dude: Yes well, I still jerk off manually.
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Await, man...
Walter Sobchak: Dude, delight? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Just enquire him almost the car.
Walter Sobchak: Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Is that your car out front end?
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you lilliputian brat?
Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
The Dude: Oh, for Christ'southward sake, Walter...
Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. Nosotros know that y'all stole a car.
The Dude: And the fucking money.
Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.
The Dude: We're going to cutting your dick off, Larry.
Walter Sobchak: Yous're killing your begetter, Larry!
Walter Sobchak: When nosotros brand the handoff, I double dorsum, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! Huh?
The Dude: That'southward a great plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I sympathise it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch.
The Dude: Who the fuck are the Knutsens?
Donny: They posted the next round for the tournament.
Walter Sobchak: Donny, shut the f- when practise we play?
The Dude: These are, uh...
Brandt: Oh, those are Mr Lebowski's children, so to speak.
The Dude: Different mothers, huh?
Brandt: No.
The Dude: Racially he's pretty absurd?
Brandt: [laughs] They're not literally his children. They're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers - inner city children of hope but without the necessary means for a - necessary ways for a higher education. And then Mr Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to college.
The Dude: [on the phone] Of form the machine made it home, you're calling me at home. No, Walter, it did NOT look like Larry was about to crack!
Walter Sobchak: Look at our current situation with that camel fucker over in Iraq. Pacifism is non something to hide backside.
Walter Sobchak: At present that is just ridiculous, Dude. Nobody is going to cut your dick off. Not if I accept anything to say about it.
The Dude: Give thanks you Walter, that makes me feel very secure, it makes me feel very warm within.
Maude Lebowski: Information technology's a male myth almost feminists that we hate sexual practice. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people - information technology is chosen satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women - who engage in it compulsively and without joy. Yes, Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot beloved in the true sense of the give-and-take. Our mutual acquaintance Bunny is ane of these.
The Dude: Listen, Maude, I'one thousand sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, merely I don't meet what it has to do with - do you have any Kahlúa?
The Dude: You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and y'all were fuckin' glad, human being. You could use information technology equally an excuse to make some money disappear. All you lot needed was a sap to pin it on! You'd just met me! You human being... paraquat! You figured 'Oh, here's a loser', you know? A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit well-nigh.
The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?
The Dude: Well, yeah!
[the Nihilists invade the Dude's bathroom accompanied by a trained ferret]
The Dude: Hey, squeamish marmot!
The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, human being.
Malibu Police Main: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't depict shit, Lebowski. Now nosotros got a dainty, quiet niggling beach customs here, and I aim to go on information technology nice and tranquility. And then allow me brand something plain. I don't like you sucking effectually, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't similar your jerk-off name. I don't similar your jerk-off face. I don't similar your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Practise I make myself clear?
The Dude: [after a pause] I'm deplorable, I wasn't listening.
The Dude: H-hey, this is a private residence, man!
The Dude: I hate the fuckin' Eagles man.
[when making the payoff]
The Dude: Dude.
Nihilist: [on the phone] Who is this?
The Dude: Dude. The pocketbook man, man. Where exercise you want united states of america to go?
Nihilist: U.s.a.?
The Dude: [to Walter] Shit!
[to Nihilist]
The Dude: Uh. Yeah, uh. Me and, uh, the commuter. I'm not treatment the money, driving the motorcar and talking on the phone all at the same time.
Nihilist: Shut the fuck up.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, are you lot fucking this up?
Nihilist: Who the fuck is that?
The Dude: That is the commuter.
[Nihilist hangs upwardly]
The Dude: Shit! Walter, yous fuck... yous fucked information technology up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man!
Walter Sobchak: Nothing is fucked hither, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call up.
The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, homo.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served vi months in Chino for exposing himself to an 8 yr old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Donny: What's a... pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck upward, Donny.
Walter Sobchak: Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're non gonna kill shit, they're not gonna do shit. What can they do? They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs, and meanwhile, look at the bottom line: Who's sittin' on a 1000000 fuckin' dollars? Am I wrong?
The Dude: Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Who'south got a fuckin' meg fuckin' dollars sittin' in the body of our car?
The Dude: Our motorcar, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: And whadda they got? My dirty undies... My fucking whites...
[They walk out of the bowling alley and run into the Dude'south car gone. The portable telephone starts ringing]
Walter Sobchak: Say, dude. Where is your machine?
Donny: Who's got your undies, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Where'due south your car, dude?
The Dude: You don't know, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: [clears throat] It was parked in a handicapped zone, possibly they towed it.
The Dude: You fucking know its been stolen.
Walter Sobchak: Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude.
The Dude: Oh fuck it.
[the Dude starts walking away]
Donny: Where you going, Dude?
The Dude: I'm going home, Donny.
Donny: Phone's ringin', dude.
The Dude: Thank you, Donny.
Nihilist: Nosotros believe in zero, Lebowski. Goose egg. And tomorrow we come back and nosotros cut off your chonson.
The Dude: Alibi me?
Nihilist: I said
[shouting]
Nihilist: I zaid VE CUT OFF YA JOHNSON!
Nihilist #2: Just think nigh that, Lebowski.
Nihilist: Yes, your wiggly penis, Lebowski.
Nihilist #3: Yeah and mayhap we stomp on it and squoosh it, Lebowski.
The Dude: Yeah, Walter, you lot're correct. There is an unspoken message here. It's "FUCK Yous, Go out ME THE FUCK Lonely!" Yeah, I'll exist at practice.
The Large Lebowski: Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences. The bums lost. My communication is to do what your parents did; go a chore, sir. The bums will e'er lose. Practice y'all hear me, Lebowski?
[the Dude walks out and shuts the door]
The Big Lebowski: The bums volition e'er lose!
Brandt: How was your coming together, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house.
The Dude: Ah, fuck information technology.
The Large Lebowski: Fuck information technology! Yes! That'due south your respond. That'south your answer for everything! Tattoo it on your forehead!
[at the funeral parlor]
Walter Sobchak: GOD DAMN IT! Look, just because we're bereaved, that doesn't make us saps!
Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fucking affair... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck then that this fucking strumpet...
The Dude: I don't see whatever connection to Vietnam, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, face it, in that location isn't whatever connection.
Walter Sobchak: Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable slice of shit.
Donny: What'due south wrong with Walter, Dude?
The Dude: Would you come off it Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are yous talking almost Dude?
The Dude: You're fucking Polish-Catholic!
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah, yep, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Walter Sobchak: And you know this!
The Dude: ...And five fucking years ago you were divorced man!
Walter Sobchak: When you get a divorce y'all go a new license? You lot plow in your library menu? You *terminate* beingness Jewish?
The Dude: Where's the fucking money Lebowski?
The Dude: I hateful we totally fucked it up man, nosotros fucked up this payoff, we got the kidnappers all mad at usa, and Lebowski, ya know, he yelled at me a lot just he didn't exercise annihilation, huh?
Walter Sobchak: Well, sometimes, information technology's a cathartic...
The Dude: No, I'thou maxim, if he knows I'thousand a fuck-upwardly, why does he go out me in accuse of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't fucking want her back! He no longer digs her, it's all a show! Ok, so and so why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off the briefcase, but he never asked for it dorsum. The million bucks was never in the briefcase! The asshole was hoping that they would kill her! Yous threw out a ringer for a ringer!
The Dude: I could be but sitting at habitation with pee stains on my carpet.
Brandt: You lot never went to college...
The Dude: Oh, no I did, but I spent most of my fourth dimension occupying diverse administration buildings... smoking a lot of thai stick... breaking into the ROTC... and bowling. To tell you the truth Brandt, I don't remember near of information technology.
The Dude: Hey, no, come on, Walter. We're catastrophe this thing cheap, man.
Walter Sobchak: No, what'southward mine is mine.
Nihilist: No funny shtuff.
The Dude: Alright, alright, I've got four dollars, most 5...
Donny: Hey, I got eighteen dollars.
Walter Sobchak: What'southward mine is mine.
Nihilist: We fuck yous ups, homo. We takes the money.
Walter Sobchak: Come and go it.
Walter Sobchak: Zip is fucked here Dude. Nothing is fucked. They're a agglomeration of fucking amateurs!
The Dude: Walter, would you just close the fuck... don't say a peep while I'chiliad doing business here, homo!
Walter Sobchak: Okay Dude. Take it your way.
[the Dude answers the phone]
Walter Sobchak: But they're amateurs.
The Big Lebowski: So she'southward back. No cheers to you lot.
The Dude: Where'southward the fucking money, Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: A one thousand thousand bucks from fucking needy Picayune Urban Achievers! You are scum, man!
The Big Lebowski: Who the hell is he?
Walter Sobchak: Who am I? Who am I? I'k the guy who's gonna kick your phony goldbricking ass, that's who I am!
The Dude: Human being, we know the briefcase was fucking empty. We know you lot kept the one thousand thousand bucks for yourself.
The Large Lebowski: You take your story, I have mine. I say that I entrusted the money to you and you lot stole it.
Walter Sobchak: As if we would ever dream of taking your bullshit money!
The Dude: Y'all thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fucking glad, homo. Y'all could utilise it as an excuse to make some coin disappear. All yous needed was a sap to pin it on. You'd but met me, you... you human paraquat! You thought, oh, here's a loser, yous know, a deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit most...
The Large Lebowski: Well? Aren't you?
The Dude: [beat] Well, yeah, but...
Walter Sobchak: Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.
Walter Sobchak: Your bike! At fifteen m-p-h I roll out! I double dorsum, catch i of 'em and beat it out of him! The uzi!
The Dude: Uzi?
Walter Sobchak: You didn't retrieve I was rolling out of here naked!
Tony the Chauffeur: Then he says "My married woman'southward a pain in the ass. She's ever busting my friggin' agates, my girl's married to a jadrool loser bounder, and I got a rash and so bad on my ass, I can't even sit down. Merely you know me. I tin't complain."
The Dude: Ahh fuckin'-A, man. I got a rash, man. Fuckin'-A.
The Dude: My merely hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cutting my dick off.
The Dude: Oh, fuck me, homo! That kid already spent all the coin, man!
Walter Sobchak: New 'Vette? Hardly, Dude. I'd say he's still got about $960 - $970,000 left, depending on the options.
The Large Lebowski: I just want to sympathize this, sir. Every fourth dimension a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the possessor?
Brandt: Her life is in your hands.
The Dude: Man, don't say that, homo.
Brandt: Mr. Lebowski asked me to repeat that: her life is in your easily.
The Dude: Oh, shit, man.
Brandt: Her life is in your hands, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: [asked to exist quiet at the coffee business firm] Excuse me, love? The Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!
The Dude: This isn't a Commencement Amendment issue, man.
The Dude: Also, my rug was stolen.
Younger Cop: The rug was in the machine?
The Dude: No. It was hither.
Younger Cop: [eager] Oh, separate incidents.
Maude Lebowski: [on answering machine] Jeffrey, this is Maude Lebowski. I need to see you. I'm the ane who took your rug.
Younger Cop: Well. I approximate we can shut the file on that 1.
Walter Sobchak: Now so far, nosotros take what appears to me to exist a series of victimless crimes.
The Dude: What about the toe?
Walter Sobchak: Forget about the fucking toe!
Coffee Shop Waitress: Excuse me, sir. Could you delight keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.
Walter Sobchak: Oh please, dearest? For your data, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.
Walter Sobchak: Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.
Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna separate hairs here? Am I incorrect?
The Dude: This is the fuckin' guy! I can notice this fuckin' Lebowski guy!
Donny: His proper name's Lebowski? That'southward your name, Dude!
The Dude: I'm sad your stepmother is a nympho.
Walter Sobchak: Etz chaim he dude, as the ex used to say.
The Dude: What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fuck are nosotros gonna tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: Huh?
[blows out a cloud of smoke]
Walter Sobchak: Oh, him! Er...
[mutters incoherently]
Walter Sobchak: What exactly is the problem?
The Dude: Well, the problem is... W-what practise you hateful "what'south the"... umph... Th-there was no... We d- we didn't eh... uhumph... They're gonna kill that poor adult female! Man!
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? That poor woman... that poor SLUT kidnapped herself. Come up on dude, you said so yourself.
The Dude: Man...! I said I Idea she kidnapped herself... You lot'RE the 1 who's and so fucking certain!
Walter Sobchak: That's correct dude. One hundred percent sure.
Da Fino: Let me tell ya something - I dig your piece of work. Playing one side against the other, in bed with everybody - just fabulous stuff.
Machine Circus Cop: [the Dude asks the Auto Circus Cop if there are any leads on who stole his beater machine] Leads, yes, sure. I'll just check with the boys downwards at the crime lab, they've got four more detectives working on the instance. They got us working in shifts!
[laughs]
Auto Circus Cop: Leads!
[laughs as he walks away]
Auto Circus Cop: Leads...
Knox Harrington: So you're Lebowski. Maudie's told me all near you. She'll be back in a moment, sit down. Would you like a drink?
The Dude: [equally he sits downwardly] Uh, yeah. White Russian?
Knox Harrington: The bar's over there.
Walter Sobchak: Call the medics, Dude. I'd get myself but I'g pumping blood. Might pass out. Rest piece of cake, good buddy, you're doing fine. We got help choppering in.
The Large Lebowski: They did not receive the money, you nitwit! They did not receive the money! Her life was in your hands!
Brandt: This is our concern, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: You lot take got to buck up, man. Yous cannot elevate this negative energy in to the tournament!
The Dude: Fuck the tournament... Fuck Yous, Walter!
[pause]
Walter Sobchak: Fuck the tournament? All correct, I tin can see you don't want to be cheered up hither, Dude. Come up on Donny, let's get get us a lane.
[subsequently reporting the stolen machine]
The Dude: Do you find them much, these, stolen cars?
Younger Cop: Sometimes. Wouldn't concur out much hope for the tape deck though.
Older Cop: Or the Creedence.
[later the chief of police throws a coffee mug at his head]
The Dude: Ow! Fucking fascist!
Walter Sobchak: You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of course.
The Dude: So you know he's got emotional bug, human being.
Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?
Brandt: [the Dude is leaving after his start meeting with Lebowski] Well, enjoy. And mayhap we'll come across you again some time, Dude.
The Dude: Aye, certain, if I'm... in the neighborhood and I, uh... gotta use the john.
[Five minutes later on pulling a gun on Smokey]
Walter Sobchak: Information technology's all water nether the bridge.
The Dude: This is a very complicated case, Maude. A lot of ins, a lot of outs. Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict drug regimen to proceed my mind limber.
Walter Sobchak: [TV Version] Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?
Brandt: Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offering to you to act every bit courier, one time we go instructions for the money.
The Dude: Why me, man?
Brandt: He believes the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your carpeting, and you are in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion.
The Dude: He thinks the carpet pissers did this?
Brandt: Well Dude, we just don't know.
The Stranger: It was a pretty expert story. Don't you think? It made me laugh to shell the ring. Parts, anyway. I didn't like seein' Donny get. Just, then I happen to know that at that place's a little Lebowski on the way. I guess that's the way the whole durned human being comedy keeps perpetuatin' itself downward through the generations. Due west the wagons, beyond the sands of time until we - ah, look at me. I'm ramblin' again.
Walter Sobchak: I told that Kraut a fuckin' yard times, I don't roll on shabbos!
[after recovering his car from the Auto circus]
The Dude: Oh, Jesus, what's that smell, man?
Auto Circus Cop: Yes, probably a vagrant slept in the car. Or peradventure just used it equally a toilet and moved on.
[being shown a picture Bunny's sometime farm home]
The Dude: Oh boy. How ya gonna continue 'em down on the subcontract once they've seen Karl Hungus.
Maude Lebowski: Now, what happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn practise that likewise?
The Dude: Ah, no that was the chief of police force of Malibu. A real reactionary.
[last lines]
The Stranger: Say, friend - you got any more of that good sarsaparilla?
Maude Lebowski: My male parent and I don't get along, he doesn't approve of my lifestyle and, needless to say, I don't approve of his. Still, I hardly wish to brand my father's embezzlement a police matter, so I'm proposing that y'all attempt to recover the coin from the people yous delivered information technology to.
The Dude: Well, I could do that...
Maude Lebowski: If yous successfully exercise so, I volition recoup you to the melody of 10 percent of the recovered sum.
The Dude: [stunned] A hundred...
Maude Lebowski: M, yep basic or clams or whatever you lot phone call them.
[singing while semi-conscious in the dorsum of a police motorcar]
The Dude: He was innocent, not a charge was true, and they say he ran away... Branded!
[repeated line]
The Dude: They're gonna impale that poor adult female.
The Dude: Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers?
The Dude: I was 1 of the original authors of the Port Huron Proclamation. Not the compromised 2nd draft...
Walter Sobchak: [author Arthur Sellars is lying quietly in his iron lung] And a good day to you, sir!
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, the dazzler of this is its simplicity. If it gets complex, everything can go wrong.
Walter Sobchak: [On the phone] I'm not even supposed to pick up the telephone unless its an emergency.
The Dude: This is a fuckin' emergency!
Walter Sobchak: I sympathise. That's why I picked up the phone.
The Dude: Walter, you fuck! We gotta go to Pasadena, homo! Come pick me up or I'chiliad off the fuckin' bowling team!
The Stranger: How take things been going?
The Dude: Well, you know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs.
Individual Investigator: It's a photo of the Family Farm, it's supposed to brand her homesick.
The Dude: Past the way, do you remember that you lot could requite me that $20,000 in greenbacks? My concern is, and I take to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a higher, uh, revenue enhancement...
The Big Lebowski: Brandt, give him the envelope.
The Dude: Oh, yous've already got the check made out, that's peachy.
The Dude: Your money is existence held by a kid named Larry Sellers. Existent fucking brat, but I'm sure your goons can become information technology off him. I mean, he's 15.
[pause]
The Dude: Flunking social studies.
Nihilist #3: I fuck yous in the ass, I fuck y'all in the donkey, I fuck yous, I fuck yous, I fuck you, I fuck...
Malibu Police Chief: Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski! Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat! Keep your ugly fuckin' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach community.
Donny: I'm throwing rocks tonight. Marker it, Dude.
[Throwing the Big Lebowski out of his wheelchair]
Walter Sobchak: Achtung baby!
The Stranger: Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'north a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
The Dude: I only said I THOUGHT she kidnapped herself. You're the one who's then fucking sure!
Walter Sobchak: That'due south right, Dude. 100% certain.
Da Fino: Well perchance you lot and me could pool our resource, you know, trade information? Professional courtesy? Compeers, you lot know?
The Dude: Yeah, yeah, I get it, fuck off Da Fino. And stay away from my special - from my fucking lady friend, man!
[the Dude has been drugged and is semi-conscious]
The Dude: And so if you could just write me my bank check for ten per centum of a half a million... v grand... I'll go out and mingle.
Brandt: Who is this gentleman, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Who am I? I'm a fucking Veteran, that's who I am!
The Dude: Oh no, really, information technology's, ahh, not fifty-fifty... not even bruised anymore.
The Stranger: [Last line] Say, friend, you got whatsoever more of that good Sarsaparilla?
The Dude: What the fuck are you talking about?
The Dude: [smoking a articulation] Far out, man. Far fucking out!
Vocaliser: I only dropped in to see what status my Condition was in.
The Dude: He simply wanted the auto. All the Dude e'er wanted was his carpet dorsum. That really tied the room together.
Maude Lebowski: Let me tell you something. The whole matter stinks to loftier sky.
Brandt: We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing.
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118715/quotes/qt0464783
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